One of These Things is Not Like the Other

Every week we have a student who is the "Star of the Week." On Friday afternoons the 'star' gives a short presentation about themselves. Each student brings pictures and other meaningful items from home to share with the rest of the class. The rest of the class has a chance to ask questions after the presentation. The students usually ask the 'star' questions like "What is your favorite color?" and "Where is the coolest place you've ever been?" It's a good activity to help the class and me get to know each student better.

John was our "Star of the Week" this week. The students asked John all the typical questions and he had pretty typical responses. Except for these two:

Erica: "What is your favorite kind of pie?"
John: "Chicken pot pie."

This got a few chuckles from the kids. A few questions later and we got this.

Josh: "What's your favorite animal?"
John: "Hmmm. Probably a unicorn. Or a pony."

No laughs at that one. Just a lot of blank stares. And an awkward 20 seconds of silence before the next question.

Santa is Coming to Town

We started a writing project last week to work on persuasion techniques. To introduce the project I had the students do a quick writing exercise with the directions as follows:

Pretend you are one of Santa's reindeer. Write a short letter to Santa Claus to persuade him that you should get a year off this year.

The students were excited to get started as soon as I went over the directions, but a few students had some questions. There were the typical questions like "How long does it have to be?" and "Do we need to spell everything right?" One student asked, "Can I pretend I'm any one of the reindeer?" I told Jillian that she could pretend to be whichever reindeer she wanted. Then Alexander's hand shot up.

"I could even be Rudolph?!"

Before I could answer, Josh replied in matter-of-fact tone:

"Rudolph isn't one of the reindeer. That's just a story. You have to be one of the real ones."

I decided to leave that one alone. The kids decided after a brief debate that Rudolph was a reindeer and therefore you could pretend you were him.

Whew.

About 10 minutes later, I overheard a conversation between Natalie and Samantha. They were discussing some of the things they wanted this year for Christmas. My favorite quote from their conversation:

"Santa always comes to my house. Even if I'm bad. I think.... (with great concentration and focus) my parents might have something to do with it though.

I just pray they don't ask me questions about these things...

Mass Behavior

We had parent-teacher conferences last week. I usually get a little anxious during conferences because just when I think everything is going great, a parent surprises me with a "I can't believe how terrible at teaching you are!"

Well maybe it's not that bad, but every once in a while I do get caught off guard. This year's fall conferences went great. No big surprises, everyone seems satisfied with their child's progress, lots of funny stories.

I did have one humorous surprise though. I was meeting with Samantha's parents and it was going great. Samantha does very well academically and is an extremely funny little girl. I shared a few of Samantha's funny comments, and her parents told me a few of the stories she tells them about me. The parents and I both agreed that Samantha's biggest struggle was spelling in her everyday writing.

Then Samantha's mother asked if she had gotten in trouble at mass earlier in the year. I explained that I didn't recall any incidents with Samantha and that I usually tell the class that they should know how to act at mass since they are 4th graders. Occasionally, if the class has trouble acting like '4th graders' they lose a couple minutes of recess.

Samantha's mom laughed and said she must have been part of the reason they lost minutes because she found what looked like an apology letter for her mass behavior. She said she kept it because she thought it was quite funny. She also asked if I wanted her to send it to me because I might get a kick out of it. So without further ado... How to behave like a fourth grader at mass:

So You're a Little Frustrated...

This is an email a coworker received. Word for word.

Hi Mrs. Wolfe --

Sorry to say we misplaced Joe's report card over the weekend before his father had a chance to go over it w him.  Would it be possible to send another copy home today, either w Joe or put in my mail slot in the school office?  

Also, the note about vision check reminds me to let you know Joe has recently lost his THIRD pair of glasses this year.  I am still so effin furious about it that I am blocking it from my mind, and don't know when or if I will be prepared to fork over another $169 to replace them. He wears a patch at home for his amblyopia. 

In case you were wondering.  

Thanks!

Girls Can't Do That

Today our class started a new reading chapter with the theme 'nature.' There was a picture on the first page of a girl with a frog on her shoulder. To introduce the chapter I asked the questions, "What do you think the girl is thinking about?" and "What do you think the frog is thinking about?"

There were some good answers given. A few were serious, well thought out answers. More were a bit silly, but very plausible.

"I think the girl is thinking, Why is this frog sitting on my shoulder?"

"I bet the frog is wondering how he got up there."

"The frog is probably thinking, "What is this thing I'm sitting on."

"I think the girl is thinking, Gross!"

"The girl looks really interested in the frog, she's probably wondering what it's thinking."

Then I called on Alexander. Alexander has five older brothers. I'll let you make your own assumptions...

"Alexander what do you think?"

Alexander: "The girl is probably thinking, I want to whack off."
"The frog. She wants to whack the frog off."
"Off her shoulder. She wants to whack the frog off of her shoulder."

There were a couple of students whose faces showed some recognition, but I think I was the only one who drew blood biting my lip.

The Sh*# Teachers Deal With

An actual email one of my coworkers received today.  My coworker who teaches second grade...You know... second graders... not exactly the picture of 'self-control'...

Good morning Mr. Smith,

Just want to give you a "heads up" on Tony.  Tony has been constipated and we gave him a laxative last night.  Hopefully things will break loose before I take him to school today.  If not, at least you will be aware of his need to run to the bathroom.

Thanks,

Sandra

Marshmallows Do What?

Yesterday I was meeting with my small reading groups. I was looking forward to meeting with the group sitting down because they were very creative and enthusiastic. I was ready to dig in and get things started because, while bright, they were also a bit...divergent. The following conversation ensued during the first five minutes of the twenty minutes we meet.

"Okay everyone. Turn to page 84."

As the pages are turning...Ethan: "What is this a picture of?"

Me: "Is that on page 84?"

Ethan: "No."

"Let's just get to 84 then."

Everybody is on page 84 now.
Liz: "Ethan? Did you take a bite out of your eraser?"

(To be fair, it did look like there was a bite out of it.)
Ethan: "NO. Why would I eat an eraser?"

Samantha: "Well it DOES look like you took bite out of it."

Ethan: "Nooooo. I just pick at it like this." Proceeds to show just exactly how to pick at an eraser.

"OK. Enough with the eraser. Everyone's on page 84. Does anyone remember what character traits are?"

Samantha: "You can get cancer if you eat erasers!"

"Nobody's eating erasers. Let's foc...."

Liz: "Did you know if you eat too many burnt marshmallows, you can get cancer?"

This was followed with a smattering of comments like "oohhh I love marshmallows," "I know someone who has cancer," and "No way. No way marshmallows can do that."

"OK (a little louder this time). We need to focus. Take a look at pa..."

Liz:"Yeah it's true. I'm pretty sure it's breast cancer."

At least we made it to page 84.

Boom Goes the Dynamite!

Early last week the class was going through some vocabulary words in reading. The theme for that week was "Astronauts." Some of the vocabulary words included: universe, endless, realistic, and sensible. To help the students learn the words, I have them try to figure out the meaning of the words based on how they are used in a sentence. Usually the sentence gives a pretty good clue of what the word might mean and through class discussion, we come up with a good definition. We had already gone through several of the words without incident when I put the following sentence on the board:


If you are biking, wearing a helmet is sensible.


I then allowed the students about a minute to think about the sentence after I read it to them.


"Alright, does anyone know what sensible means? Or can anybody figure out what it means because of how it's used in the sentence?"


Most of the class had their hands up in the air before I finished the question. Most of the hands in the air were the 'ohh, ohh' flailing at the wrist kind, so I was confident most of the students knew what 'sensible' meant. 


"John, what do you think?"


John: "Well, I'm pretty sure that it means when you touch something (makes a poking motion)... and then it blows up. It's like this big explosion."


The entire class' eyes went from John to me, back to John, and then back to me. Several faces had smiles. Including mine. I don't usually stumble over my words and am able to come up with a kind, deflecting, "that's close, but I'm looking for something else." Not this time. I was struggling with what to tell John when Eleanor leaned over and whispered something in his ear. A huge grin crawled over his face and I knew it was safe to tell him.


"John, I hate to tell you...that's about as far off as you could be."


We went over the actual meaning of sensible, and the class had a pretty good laugh, especially John. 


Later that day as we were walking to music, I overheard a few of the boys laughing. I turned around to see the boys, including John, poking each other and saying, "I'm gonna sensible you!"

You Can Tough it Out

Sometimes you need to look really close at quiz answers to make sure your reading it correctly.

Is it farts or facts?

Other times, you know what it says. It's just hard to believe they thought that was the answer.

It's a 'T' Not a 'D'

After four weeks of correcting the same kinds of mistakes every day, the kids are finally starting to get the hang of correcting our sentences on the Smartboard. It was taking us about 20-25 minutes to get through two sentences when we started. Now we can cruise through the two sentences in about 10-15 minutes. Needless to say some of the kids believe they've seen it all and haven't exactly been all ears while we are correcting. So today while we were correcting I gently reminded them in a louder than normal tone that they needed to pay attention to each person's correction when they came to the board. I also reminded them that if someone makes a mistake, it's ok. We definitely shouldn't laugh at them.

Then John came up to make a correction in the following sentence:

be sure to right 247 Grand avenue, fort dodge ks 67843 on the envelope

John put three lines under the 'f' in fort. Wonderful I'm thinking! The correct way to show a letter should be capitalized! The whole class had their eyes fixated on John, and you could hear the fans it was so quiet after our little 'talk.' I'm just waiting, expecting even, to hear the words come out of John just like I've taught them: 'I capitalized fort because it's part of the name of the city and a proper noun.'

John: "I capitalized fort because it's the name of a car."

After realizing his mistake, we all had a good laugh. Right after I just told them not to...

Middle Name?

We have started standardized tests this week. Not fun for the kids or me. We have eleven tests to take in the next two weeks. Total 'estimated' time to complete: 6 hours 20 minutes. Right...

The first thing we need to do is fill out the answer booklet with all of the students' information: name, age, grade, school, birthday, etc. You'd think ten minutes to fill out the form right? Nope. Forty-five minutes. It's amazing how hard it is for a 4th grader to not only write the letters of their name, but also fill in the bubble underneath that correspond with the same letters. Conversations like the following also lead to a wounded turtle pace:

Luke: "What does 'middle initial mean?"

"It means the first letter of your middle name."

Luke: "Middle name?"

"Yes your middle name. What's your middle name."

Luke: "Ummm. I don't know. I can't remember."

"Some people might not have a middle name. If you don't you can just leave it blank."

Luke: "Wait, I think it's Ronald. Yeah. I'm pretty sure it's Ronald."

"Ok. Then you should put 'R' for your middle initial."

Luke: "But Ronald doesn't fit! There's only one space!"

"Luke..." (stop, breathe) "No just the first letter. All you need is the 'R'."

Luke: "Actually, I'm not sure if it's Ronald. I don't think I have a middle name."

At this point, I really had to bite my tongue. So many things I want to say right now... "Ok. I'll look it up and see if you have a middle name." I look it up. No middle name listed. "Nothing's listed for your middle name Luke. Just leave it blank."

Luke: "No, I'm pretty sure it's Ronald. I'll put the 'R'."

Through tightly clenched teeth: "Ok. 'R' it is. Let's move on to our date of birth..."

In His Own Words

Last week I had my students write me letters so I could get a sense of what we needed to work on during writing. Here is part of John's letter to me (exactly as he wrote it):

You are the most niceties teacher ever and you and me like the Brewer fan. Did I Mention that I like the Brewers? They are my 2 favorite my first favorite is the  Oreals. it is kind of weird that i like watching Baseball, but i do not like to play Baseball. my favorite sport is soccer what is yours? I  think I know its Golfing with your friends. my dad is 20 years older than you! that is weird whats your dogs name I think Matt  or is it a girl? I think your favorite food is a apple or a sandwich? My favorite is a Orange float and a root beer float or a good apple that is the right flavour is the kind that I like.

We've got plenty to work on this year in writing!

Everybody Does

Yesterday was Friday. It was nice out. With a half-hour left in the day, I didn't want to teach anymore. The kids didn't want to learn anymore. Recess!

It was my birthday yesterday as well so I brought in root beer floats for the kids. Amazingly, only one spill! The root beer does make the kids a bit gassy though. As we were lining up to go to recess, I heard quite a few muffled burps.

So we get outside for recess and the kids are running around, I'm enjoying the sunshine and the fact that in 20 minutes it's the weekend. We've been outside for about 10 minutes already when I notice two of my students, Samantha and Natalie, walking out of the school.

Naturally I'm wondering why they haven't been outside with the rest of the class so I call them over and ask where they've been.

Samantha's matter-of-fact response: "Oh, I had to get a sweatshirt and Natalie had to poop."

Poor Natalie turned a very bright shade of red and shot Samantha one of the dirtiest looks I've ever seen from a 4th grader. She then turned to me and said, "I had to use the bathroom."

Samantha: "Yeah, she slammed her root beer too fast."

Then off they went to the playground. I'm pretty sure Natalie had a nice little talk with Samantha after that conversation!

Bueller?

Earlier this week I had the other 4th grade class for social studies. It was only our third time meeting together, but I felt like we were off to a great start. As the students sat down I greeted them by name. The class seemed upbeat and ready to go. We had a lot I wanted to get done so I got right down to business.

"Alright everybody, who remembers what we talked about on Monday?"

There were a few blank stares, several nervous looks around the room, and exactly one not-very-confidently raised hand.

"Claire! Thank you! Do you remember what we talked about?"

Claire:" "I think it was social scientists or something?"

"Exactly! We talked about the four types of social scientists. Does anyone remember one of the four we are learning about?"

Nothing. The kids were racking their brains, but I could see absolutely zero students with a look that showed any sort of recollection. So I figured, I'll roll with it. It's tough to remember the words economist, geographer, political scientist, and historian. Maybe if I give them one and it will spark their memory.


"Well the first one we talked about was the economist. They were interested in how people made and spent money. Anyone remember any of the others?"

Nothing. I could tell they were really trying to recall something, anything. They had nothing. Alright, I figured. Let's just get back to reading about the social scientists with their partners from last time and we'll review after their done.

"Alright let's just get back to working with our partners from last time. Who remembers their partner?"


Nothing. I'm starting to think these kids might not have the capacity to make short term memories.

"Nobody remembers their partner? I guess we can just pick partners agai.....

Finally a hand!

"Jason! You remember your partner?"

Jason: "I think so..."

"Ok, let's take out our books and look at page 4. You read about the economist and then drew some pictures and symbols to represent what the economist is interested in."

Another hand. Maybe they finally remember.

"Mr. Pajak? You didn't give us our books yet."

Everything I was expecting them to remember was what I did with MY class in social studies. We did talk about social scientists, but I only mentioned that we would be learning about four different types. They had no books. They had no partners. Whoops.

At least Jason remembered his partner.

The Four Types of Sentences

Yesterday we learned about the four types of sentences: declarative, imperative, interrogative, and exclamatory. I was impressed with how well the kids were able to pronounce the words as they aren't the easiest for 4th graders. We talked about how most sentences are declarative because we are just saying something, not a command, not a question, not an emotional statement... just saying something. Most of the students were able to recognize the word 'declare' in declarative and made the connection.

So this morning we were correcting our daily sentences on the Smartboard. I told the students that because we now know the four types of sentences, they have to say what kind of sentence it is when they add punctuation. I gave them an example:

"If I put a question mark at the end of this sentence I would say: 'I put a question mark at the end because it's an interrogative sentence.' Does everyone understand what I want you to say?"

A chorus of 'yes' came from the gallery. After a little prompting...(it was morning after all)

As we were going through and correcting the sentence, Thomas walked up to the board and very confidently put a period at the end of the sentence. He spun around with an almost cocky smile and declared:

"I put a period at the end of the sentence because it's a deformative sentence."

Maybe we better review the four types of sentences tomorrow...

Is That Even a Word?

There are normally three sections of each grade level at my school. In 4th grade we switch classes for social studies, science, and religion. I teach social studies for each 4th grade class. With only having the other two classes two hours each week, I obviously don't have quite the same rapport as with my own class. This can make for some awkward yet hilarious encounters.

Last winter, one of the classes was coming into the classroom for social studies. I was standing at the door as they walked in. We usually switch classes right after lunch recess, and the students are often a bit chatty as they come in. That day, for whatever reason, they were almost stoic as they walked in. I greeted them as they walked in. Even if someone responded, it was with a barely audible 'hi.'

Bringing up the end of the line was the very quiet Erica. I figured the same mundane response was coming from her. You'd think I'd learn to never assume anything...

"Good afternoon Erica!"

"Oh hi Mr. Pajak. I like your shirt. It's very purpley!"

Then she just walked right to her seat, not expecting any response. No smile. No chance for me to respond. It's a good thing because I had no idea what to say. I just stood in the doorway for a few seconds stunned.

I'd say it's more of a mauve.

What's for Lunch?

A few years ago I was sitting at my desk as the students were coming in for the morning. As was the normal routine, each student looked at the lunch menu as they came into the room and then made their choice for lunch.

I was quietly observing the students when Max came up with his face twisted in utter confusion.

"Mr. Pajak, what is fa-jaa-ta?"

"What was the word?'

Max: "Faaaaa- jaaaa- taaaa?"

"I'm not sure, where did you hear it?"

Max: "It's for lunch. Chicken fa-ja-ta."

"Ohhhh (laughing). You mean fajita. Chicken fajita."

Max: "No. Chicken faaaa-jaaa-taaa."

"(laughing again) It's actually pronounced 'fajita.' Have you ever had a fajita before?"

Max: "Uh-uh. Never heard of it."

"It's a little like a taco. They're delicious!"

Max: "I think I'll have the grilled cheese."

The Delicate Balance Between Fun and Work

It's the second day of school. I'm still trying to get the kids to know that I'm fun, but I also want things under control in the classroom. Things have been going well. I've made the kids laugh, and I've also made sure they know we need to be serious at times. We're in the middle of a discussion about the reasons we need to walk quietly in the hallway. I like to walk around while I'm talking because it tends to keep the kids engaged.

Samantha is sitting in the front row, and as I walk by she raises her hand. I stop. "Yes Samantha?"

I'm expecting a question here...

"Mr. Pajak, I just love your fuzzy arms!"

She reaches out and pets my arm like it's a chinchilla. I guess we still need to talk about personal bubbles.

It Begins...

I've been teaching for 7 years. Eight if you count the hopelessness of substitute teaching in large Twin City school districts. While there is often frustration in this profession, laughter is even more common.

Each day in my room, we correct two sentences. We work on our grammar, capitalization, and punctuation in the sentences. Each student gets a turn to come up to the board and make a correction. Each student then tells the class what the correction was and why it was made. It was Jamie's turn to make a correction. On the board was the sentence:

but puff my cat hasnt no milk so hes setting on the window

Several corrections had already been made. Joe added an apostrophe in hes "because it stands for he is." Charlie added a period at the end "because it's a declarative sentence." Samantha took out the 'e' in setting and replaced it with an 'i' "because setting doesn't sound right." The sentence now read:

but puff my cat hasnt no milk so he's sitting on the window.

This isn't the easiest sentence for a 4th grader to correct. I was expecting a few hang-ups, but I was happy with the progress so far. With Jamie coming up, I felt confident that she would be able to find something. Maybe the apostrophe in hasnt, maybe capitalize the first word of the sentence, maybe even cross out 'but' because you should start a sentence with 'but.'

Nope. Jamie's correction: "I capitalized 'But Puff' because it's the name of the kitty."

Ever since that day, I've talked about writing down the stories that make this job the greatest in the world. But I haven't ever picked up a pen to do it. It's time. So enjoy if you wish, wonder if you will, and if nothing else, take with you a smile or two.