Mass Behavior

We had parent-teacher conferences last week. I usually get a little anxious during conferences because just when I think everything is going great, a parent surprises me with a "I can't believe how terrible at teaching you are!"

Well maybe it's not that bad, but every once in a while I do get caught off guard. This year's fall conferences went great. No big surprises, everyone seems satisfied with their child's progress, lots of funny stories.

I did have one humorous surprise though. I was meeting with Samantha's parents and it was going great. Samantha does very well academically and is an extremely funny little girl. I shared a few of Samantha's funny comments, and her parents told me a few of the stories she tells them about me. The parents and I both agreed that Samantha's biggest struggle was spelling in her everyday writing.

Then Samantha's mother asked if she had gotten in trouble at mass earlier in the year. I explained that I didn't recall any incidents with Samantha and that I usually tell the class that they should know how to act at mass since they are 4th graders. Occasionally, if the class has trouble acting like '4th graders' they lose a couple minutes of recess.

Samantha's mom laughed and said she must have been part of the reason they lost minutes because she found what looked like an apology letter for her mass behavior. She said she kept it because she thought it was quite funny. She also asked if I wanted her to send it to me because I might get a kick out of it. So without further ado... How to behave like a fourth grader at mass:

So You're a Little Frustrated...

This is an email a coworker received. Word for word.

Hi Mrs. Wolfe --

Sorry to say we misplaced Joe's report card over the weekend before his father had a chance to go over it w him.  Would it be possible to send another copy home today, either w Joe or put in my mail slot in the school office?  

Also, the note about vision check reminds me to let you know Joe has recently lost his THIRD pair of glasses this year.  I am still so effin furious about it that I am blocking it from my mind, and don't know when or if I will be prepared to fork over another $169 to replace them. He wears a patch at home for his amblyopia. 

In case you were wondering.  

Thanks!

Girls Can't Do That

Today our class started a new reading chapter with the theme 'nature.' There was a picture on the first page of a girl with a frog on her shoulder. To introduce the chapter I asked the questions, "What do you think the girl is thinking about?" and "What do you think the frog is thinking about?"

There were some good answers given. A few were serious, well thought out answers. More were a bit silly, but very plausible.

"I think the girl is thinking, Why is this frog sitting on my shoulder?"

"I bet the frog is wondering how he got up there."

"The frog is probably thinking, "What is this thing I'm sitting on."

"I think the girl is thinking, Gross!"

"The girl looks really interested in the frog, she's probably wondering what it's thinking."

Then I called on Alexander. Alexander has five older brothers. I'll let you make your own assumptions...

"Alexander what do you think?"

Alexander: "The girl is probably thinking, I want to whack off."
"The frog. She wants to whack the frog off."
"Off her shoulder. She wants to whack the frog off of her shoulder."

There were a couple of students whose faces showed some recognition, but I think I was the only one who drew blood biting my lip.

The Sh*# Teachers Deal With

An actual email one of my coworkers received today.  My coworker who teaches second grade...You know... second graders... not exactly the picture of 'self-control'...

Good morning Mr. Smith,

Just want to give you a "heads up" on Tony.  Tony has been constipated and we gave him a laxative last night.  Hopefully things will break loose before I take him to school today.  If not, at least you will be aware of his need to run to the bathroom.

Thanks,

Sandra